Puttering Plumb-bobs of Positivity!

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I'm Actively Seeking Work. Have a look at my

I've been published. See my story at The Town Drunk.

I've been wed!  See Pictures.

Rachel has a hoop on loan from a friend this week.  I have an interesting new set of contusions and abrasions.

The REAL reason we're in Arizona:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxiYwF0dMEk

Two suits walk into my front office.

Suits: "Hi, I'm [name redacted] and I'm with [staffing agency redacted].  We're just in your area to see if we can fill any staffing needs."

Me:  "Yes, I remember you.  I had an interview with you in December.  You told me I didn't seem career-oriented enough for you to bother placing me.  Take a hike."

World's Worst Receptionist for the win!

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me.

My choice. For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

* I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!

* What I create will be with you in mind.

* It'll be done sometime this year (2009)

* You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be something written, some physical thing made, could be anything at all, but I will make it myself. It's entirely my choice what it is. No quibbles, no refunds.

* I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch?

Oh, the catch is that you put this in your journal as well. If you don't.. You don't get anything

Highlights of the resounding silence:

We moved to Phoenix.  Actually, we moved to Chandler, which is just south of Phoenix.

I've had trouble finding a job.  Well, duh, things are tough all over.  Highlights of the job hunt include four sure-fire immediate-need start-on-Monday-can-you-come-down-RIGHT-NOW-to-sign-up-with-us? jobs falling through at the last minute because the client company decided to fill it in-house, postpone the project, change the venue...what is *up* with this.  There are any number of opportunities before the valuable time of everyone from the HR department, the staffing service, and 8.5 million unemployed Americans gets wasted, where the hiring manager could say "No, you can't have a temp."  Why wait to cancel until the night before the temp is due to report to work?  (Then there was the staffer who, on the strength of one failed interview, said, "I can't place you, don't call back."  Gee, is that what you told the other four failed candidates for that position?)

I did get sent out by one place for a single shift at the local Netflix mail room.  That was kind of cool, it was totally boring but I like boring, it started at 2am and they cut us loose before 8.  I kind of have to be looking for that kind of work, or at least early-morning things that end by 2 or 3, because I'm starting night school here.  No, we don't really have the money, but if we wait until we do, it will never get done.

Rob's writing regularly and Richard has been a peach supporting us in our endeavors.

Well, after much trauma, we've managed to get the Salvation Army to take our sofa and other large items.  The charities nowadays make it very difficult to give them things; if they can't put it out on the floor right away, they don't want to take it.  None of them do any refurbishment anymore, or, apparently, even simple cleaning--the driver didn't want to take one perfectly good bookshelf because it was "dirty and needs repainting".  Er, you're the Salvation Army.  (Or you're Goodwill, or St Vincent de Paul--they all do this nowadays.)  You're supposed to take this free thing I'm giving you and sell it for under $10.  Okay,if it were prettier, maybe you'd make $20 on it, but you really cannot expect that every item in your store will be worthy of a $200 price tag.  THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE THERE FOR.  It's to the point now where people don't want to shop there and buy stuff because it's not cheap enough anymore.

What this boils down tois the realization that really you're just renting your stuff.  Amortized over the course of the 8 years I've had it, that $35 chest from Goodwill has only cost me $4.37 a year.  The sofa was free, but considering that we might potentially have had to pay $45 to take it to the dump, it could have cost us $9/year.  So remember kids, Stuff Costs.  Avoid Stuff.

Which brings me to the Next Big Thing.  My wardrobe.  By volume, my wardrobe takesup more space than the piano.  It is now the biggest thing in the house apart from maybe the bed.  The only bigger thing is our library of books.  And like most women, I only wear about ten percent of it.  This would be much worse if I hadn't been making an effort the last few months of pruning it anyway.  So today is the day of clothing bonsai.  Then there are all of the boxes of MISC.

Well, Rob and I are definitely moving to Mesa.  And the Twin Cities.  robvagle 's got the detailed scoop here.

We've got stuff to get rid of.

...it's a test.

Solving problems by declaring parts of your life to be non-canon.

By popular demand, I'm developing a list of warning signs to look out for when seeking work.  These are indications culled from my own experience, of jobs one shouldn't apply for, or having applied, one should not accept.  This also includes temp-to-hire situations where, while you might finish out your 90-days or complete the original project, you'd be better off accepting an end-of-assignment rather than a permanent job offer.  These traits aren't industry-specific, by the way;  I've experienced these in a number of settings.  Any additions or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  All examples are taken from real life.

(1) The position is open due to a sudden-death quit or firing.
    (1a) and this happens a lot.
(2) The position is open because the previous incumbent is leaving after 14 years.
   (2a) there will be no training overlap
(3) The following words anywhere in the want ad: fun, challenging, opportunity, growth, chaos, thrives, dynamic, energetic, hats, family, potential, team (...)
(4) The position is open due to a surge in business growth, especially a company going from small to mid-size
(5) Low pay and low title compared to actual job responsibilities
(6) High turnover elsewhere in the company
(7) Observable variance in dress code adherence and enforcement
(8) Excessive or inappropriate thrift or scrounging
(9) Much ado made over birthdays, etc. in a low-pay, high turnover environment.
  (9a) perks in lieu of pay
(10) Unclear reporting hierarchy, especially in a small, family-owned business
(11) Hip-pocket business practices.

So, what's all this mean?

(1) The position is open due to a sudden-death quit or firing.  This could mean the incumbent was a headcase anyway.  If so, it could be that the employer was just unlucky in that hire.  Or, it can be a sign that the employer hires headcases, which means, first, you'll be working with more of them.  Second, it means the employer doesn't know how to hire sane people.  Which can be an indication that the employer is a headcase.  In which case he will either drive you bananas and you will end up quitting to preserve your sanity, or he will drive you bananas and then fire you for being a headcase.  In and of itself, a sudden-death isn't necessarily a bad vacancy to fill--one of my best, longest-lasting jobs was an immediate-need due to the receptionist leaving a note on her desk saying "I QUIT".  In that instance, she was the headcase, and I was a good fit for the job.

(1a) High turnover.  You're the fourth person in the job in as many weeks.  You've seen this same ad in the paper quarterly for the last year or so.  You get headhunted for the same job 6 times in a 24 hour period. This one's kind of a no-brainer for anyone with any experience, but on the off-chance I have readers who haven't entered the workforce yet, high turnover is a bad sign.  Why can't they keep people in the position?  Why can't they fill it?  Sometimes it's not the employer's fault.  It could be some other lingering situation that makes the job intolerable, such as having to deal with head cases not in your hierarchy who have clout.  For example, you're an administrative assistant for the general manager and sales staff ("front office"), but you're expected to help out the office manager as needed ("back office").  The office manager feels that all female "assistants" should be under her purview and actively interferes with your work for the GM, reprioritizing your tasks, assigning them to others, etc.  This drives not only the GM but the sales managers and all front office staff crazy, but despite the fact that it's openly known that the OM is the problem, they can't fire her.  Your options: stay or leave.  A revolving door indicates basic instability and there are likely to be training issues as institutional memory erodes.

(2) The position is open because the previous incumbent is leaving after 14 years.  This is another one that isn't necessarily a bad sign by itself, but in combination with other factors, could mean trouble.  In this case, the danger is that a substantial amount of the aforementioned institutional memory is likely housed in one braincase, which is walking out the door.  They will have built the job around them, and will have all kinds of ways they did things that they won't tell you.  Plus, everyone around you will be mourning their loss, complete with idealization of the departed, in comparison to whom you and your job performance will be dog turd.  ("She had a way of doing this, and I don't know what it was, so you'll have to figure out your own way, and why aren't you perfect like she was?"  "Um, because I like to use Excel instead of manually drawing my own grid lines with a pencil.")  (No, really!)

(2a) No training overlap.  Unfortunately common in today's tight-budgeted economy.  Again, not always a totally bad thing, but if you hear, "This is a big job and we need you to hit the ground running", bells should be going off.

(3) The following words anywhere in the want ad: fun, challenging, opportunity, growth, chaos, thrives, dynamic, energetic, hats, family, potential, teamwork, (...)  Most of these are code for "overworked and underpaid".  "Growth" and "potential" usually mean "we're running this as a $9 receptionist job, but we'll dangle unspecified advancement in front of you to get you to do extra work for free in the hopes you'll get a raise."  "Fun" means "you'll be working in a middle-school clique", and also means, "We're fickle".  "Chaos". CHAOS??  Are you seriously advertising that your company is chaotic?  Like that's a good thing??  Just once I'd like to respond to an ad that asks for someone who thrives in a controlled environment.  "Hats" should be pretty clear:  you'll be doing two or more jobs, but receiving one paycheck.  "Family"--think about it--would you work for your mother?  Or father?  Or in-law?

(4) The position is open due to a surge in business growth, especially a company going from small to mid-size.  They probably won't have a real idea of what they need, so it's likely to be a fun growth opportunity with lots of dynamic potential.  They'll hire you for one thing, then realize that they really needed something else; or they can't afford you after all; or that you're not fitting in .

(5) Low pay and low title compared to actual job responsibilities.  Another no-brainer.  You're hired on as a $10 receptionist.  They see your potential and abilities, and offer you a promotion to "Administrative Assistant".  The job description is two pages long and includes quasi-supervisory and personnel training responsibilities.  In short, it's an "Office Manager", who should be getting $12-14.  The raise they offer?  Fifty cents.  Decline the offer and look elsewhere.  Conversely, an inflated title with low pay and low responsibilities is also a bad scene.

(6) High turnover elsewhere in the company.  If your department is stable but the rest of the company has all the continuity of a bus stop, it's a sign of poor management several levels above you.  Likely your boss is the one holding it together, and if he or she goes, you'll end up working for the freaks they're currently staving off.  That stuff is contagious.

(7) Observable variance in dress code adherence and enforcement.  If some people are clearly getting away with wearing stuff that's not to code, and others aren't, there are probably other policies and procedures that are being selectively enforced.  Good luck guessing which ones apply to you.  And good luck guessing when you're in or out of adherence, as a seasonal co-worker of mine was sent home recently--on her last day of work--for wearing an "inappropriate" outfit: one that she had worn weekly since the beginning of the season.  If it was out of code, there had been plenty of occasions where a warning should have been given.  In this case, it smelled like politics--I suspect the true target was our supervisor, who was the one forced to dismiss her, in a power play by the GM.  Addendum:  being able to dress like crap is often a measure of clout.

(8)  Excessive or inappropriate thrift or scrounging.  What this boils down to is that cadging free samples from your vendors should not be a long-term business strategy.  Pay for the damn stuff in bulk, and pass the costs onto your customers, like everyone else.  The IRS allows tax breaks for business expenses.  Which you would know, if you hired a real accountant instead of having your husband do it because you're such a tightwad.  Reusing old file folders and making double-sided copies on 20# instead of 24# is one thing.  Replacing five broadcast computers in a month because you're too cheap to air-condition the office is something else.  Buying garbage-grade wood and then complaining that the cutline isn't producing clear product is a false economy.  See also (5) scrimping on wages.  One revolving-door establishment I worked for went so far as to hire an entry-level person through a workforce training program, where the state picks up part of the wages bill.  These are wonderful programs, but it was inappropriate in this case.  This particular business, which prided itself on its boutique, high-caliber sensibilities to distinguish itself from the competition, didn't need to be playing Henry Higgins for their front-desk person.  This cheap attitude cost them quite a bit in the long run--I'm told I lasted the longest, at 4 months. After awhile they started to lose business because the high turnover had eroded their "close-knit family" image so much.

(9) Much ado made over birthdays, etc. in a low-pay, high turnover environment.  This is another symptom of "fun".  "We really value our employees, so here's some balloons for your birthday.  Oh by the way, we're not keeping you on after Friday.  See you on the breadline."

(9a) Perks in lieu of pay.  Also certificates of merit.  I cannot pay my electric bill with an attaboy.  Yes, it's nice to hear I'm doing a good job.  But I'd really prefer that you gave me a $50 bonus check than a $50 flower arrangement for secretaries' day.  Or better yet, a raise to something approaching my street value.  (This one doesn't apply if you're already making a decent wage.  If you can pay your bills, luxury presents are nice. If you can't, cash *is* a luxury.)  It's been pointed out that I should distinguish here between bennies, which are good and desirable, and the perks I'm referring to.  Taking an $18 job that normally pays $20, but they're covering your healthcare completely, is worthwhile.  That's not a perk.

(10)  Unclear reporting hierarchy, especially in a small, family-owned business.  The danger sign here is if someone's spouse, sibling or kid is an "office manager...sort of" or something similar.  They have things they do for the business, but if they half-ass it, you'll be picking it up.  Literally--our "Office Manager" (the boss' spouse) went out to buy post-it notes.  He left them in the file room, two feet from the cabinet in which they belonged.  They stayed there for four days until one of the bosses chewed us out (the admin, the receptionist, and the bookkeeper) for leaving things lying around.  "We didn't know why they were there," we responded.  "We thought there was a reason he left them there, they were special or something."  I continued, "Why can't he put them away himself, he brought them this far? Or have one of us do it."  I got a 3-part answer: (1) he doesn't know where they belong, he just buys the stuff.  (2) it's not his job to put things away, AND since he is not your boss, it's not for him to tell you things need doing.  (3) you're fired.  So much for teamwork. 

(11) Hip-pocket business practices.  "Standard Operating Procedures" that nobody uses.  Work orders routinely filled out after the job is billed.  Unnecessary exceptions and revisions to EVERY job.  The aforementioned cadging of samples and free labor.  Payments in-kind.  Deals under-the-table.  Verbal promises not kept.  People working harder to avoid procedures than the procedures require.  Sneaking around behind people's back to get things done.  Contracts hidden from the business owner or GM.  Contracts hidden from the biller, for chrissake.  Personal and business functions blurring to the point where you can't let coworker A know that coworker B is in the office, because A is the boss' current GF and will assume that he's sleeping around with his ex, B.  And the boss's other ex calls every five minutes because she doesn't believe you when you tell her you haven't seen him in three days.  "Standard" practices that you later find out are illegal.  Allowing scripts for 30-second ads that take 1:20 to actually read.  In short, chaos.

So. Thoughts?

This is not Pakistan.  This is a contract job with no benefits at a technical company that I know for a fact starts its lowest-level CSRs in the double-digits.  For you to tell me that the "highest" rate of pay you can offer is $8.97 per hour (you read that right folks, that's eight dollars and ninety-seven cents) is so ridiculous it's not even insulting. I don't even want to think about what the "lowest" rate is you'd offer to someone with fewer qualifications.  (Actually, it would have to be $7.95, which is minimum in Oregon.  You are offering barely a dollar over minimum.) 

You can't go three cents and make it an even nine bucks?  You can't go fifty cents and get it up to $9.47, which at least is somewhere on the same continent as the going rate?  (I still wouldn't have accepted it, because I'm currently making more as a file clerk, but I might not actually have laughed out loud.)  I am not surprised I received two phone calls and four emails from representatives at your pissant company.  This is Eugene, Oregon, and you should have been able to fill that order within about six hours.  The primary draw for this job is the company involved, which is known as a Really Good Employer.  A lot of good people will put up with sub-prime wages for the sake of a foot-in-the-door opportunity here.  Sub-standard, however, is a different story.  Anyone you find who will work *anywhere* for less than nine bucks, will end up costing you--and your client--more in the long run. 

Understand this.  There are reasons why people work for low wages.  (1) desperation.  (2) inexperience.  (3) head cases.  (4) felonies.  (5)love the work.  (6) pin money.

(1) They will absorb training costs and, if they have qualifications similar to mine, they will leave the minute they get a better offer. 
(2) They will absorb training costs and leave to go to school. 
(3) They will absorb training costs and turn out to have something wrong with them that causes them to do a crappy job, or turn out to be a poor fit for the corporate culture, costing your client customers as well as downgrading the employment environment for the other poor slobs that have to work with them, who will then quit because they can't stand working there after all.  Then you have to fire the head case.
(4)  These are your best bet.  Reformed felons have very few options and are motivated to remain employed. They are often also head cases, but you can't have everything--especially not for $8.97/hour.
(5) Please, I'm already laughing hard enough.  I don't need a hernia.  It's a call center.  'nuff said.
(6) See (1).  They will leave as soon as they've achieved their financial goal.

In short, low wages are a recipe for high turnover, and not in a good way.  You won't be sifting out the chaff.  You will be running off the good people and eventually you will be filling your training classes by the human-resource equivalent of fluffing baby food with melamine.

Oh--one other thing--the employment department doesn't require us to accept an offer that undercuts our current pay rate.  You should at least try to match my unemployment check, if you can't match my former pay rate.

Talk to you again soon, I'm sure.

Cheers,

-X.

So it's September, and market maven Ralan is running his annual fund drive.  I use Ralan more than any other market resource and this year I plan to send him money.  Here's my question.  A required subscription to a resource like this such as Writer's Market would be tax-deductible as a business expense.  Ralan, however, runs on donations.  Is a charitable donation to this business resource also tax-deductible? If so, do I mark it as a donation, a subscription, or what?

So, I'm finally receiving unemployment benefits.  Everything is squared away and the checks are clearing.  So explain this to me.

Our state unemployment insurance is now distributed via these prepaid Visa cards ("ReliaCard").  You get your first check on paper, then a few days later they send you your ReliaCard, which they then load each week with your benefit.  You will never again receive a paper check, you MUST use this card to access your funds.  (It's a debit/atm card, but there are strings attached to the number of ATM withdrawals you can make, which seems dumb to me.)  Or, you can get direct deposit.  A form is attached to your first check (or you can download it) which you must then mail in.  It takes about 8-10 days or so after they receive your form to start getting your direct deposit.  (Which is pretty normal for any direct deposit.)

So answer me this.  Between the time they receive your direct deposit form, and the time the direct deposit processing is completed, they revert to mailing you paper checks.  WHY?

Because I haven't seen this blogged by the people I expected to mention it:

Minneapolis cops violently raiding the homes of people planning to protest the RNC in St. Paul.

Guild of Lawyers fights back

Daily Planet lets us know which neighborhoods not to live in

Unlike Eugene, however, the cops apparently are exercising restraint--I haven't seen any mention of anyone being Tasered to death yet.

Clearly, this would be the perfect time to conduct a huge heist of some kind, since the cops are all going to be busy clubbing baby hippies (or would that be "culling the old and weak"?) and won't be able to respond to real emergencies.

Well, we went to Faerieworlds yesterday where a couple of friends were working.  The music was good, but I've never seen so many wedgies in my life. 

Too cute behind the cut:

More pictures at my flickr page.

Those of you who stream may enjoy this.

http://www.demetriusgonzalez.com/tango/bailonga.html

Who knew you could tango to Marilyn Manson?

For the writers in the audience, an interesting exercise in voice: I'm in the Buffy camp, personally.

More for the writers--and artists.  Neal Stephenson's cogent expression of the literary/commercial dichotomy, and why it doesn't matter.  I've heard many writers on both sides say, "There's nothing wrong with doing it that way, it's fine and valid," but the unspoken tag is always, "but my way is the *real* way".  Until now.  Thanks, Neal.

Apropos of a couple of recent developments on my flist: A classic post by The Ferrett on how not to conduct domestic warfare.  Dirty laundry hangs around.  Thanks for letting us learn from your mistakes, Ferrett.

And finally, some stuff about  "Song to the Siren".  The version by This Mortal Coil was the first song on the first tape of a set of two that Graham gave me way back in the dawn of time when I left Edinburgh in 1992.  I recognized the refrain, "Did I dream/you dreamed about me" because it'd been sampled on a song by Sheep On Drugs that was popular in the clubs that summer.  Having never heard the full version, I thought this was pretty cool.  Sometime last year I found this post, on what turned out to be a really neat blog by a very smart linguist, that breaks down the lyrics and history of the song. If Graham hadn't given me that tape, I'd never have heard this song, despite its apparent popularity--once you start looking around, you find it's been done to death. (How on earth did we manage before the Internet?)  And yet it's remarkably obscure.  It's kind of neat to listen to all these different versions and see where the primary influence was--George Michael's, for example, is nearly note-for-note Liz Fraser's version, whereas Robert Plant's (which I checked out of the public library) is much closer to Tim Buckley's original.

Now, I know exactly where I got this link for Nik's crab tank.  Attention, modellers.  Nik, I salute you.  That's beautiful.   

Those of you who were at my wedding will remember the inspired piano soundtrack performed live by Rebecca Oswald.  She composed all that herself, exceptof course for the closing dance, which she arranged in tango form for us.

Rob and I went to hear her latest work last night at the Hult Center. In conjunction with the Oregon Bach Festival, the U of O Humanities Center commissioned a symphony, "Man of Oregon", about the life of Bill Bowerman, legendary track coach and patron of the OBF. 

The last time I went to hear classical music was maybe fifteen years ago.  (Actually, i think i took Rob to hear Edgar Meyer at the Shedd a few years ago, bu that's not THE SYMPHONY, is it?)  Somewhere along the way, I retrained somehow.  Hearing "Man of Oregon" was like listening to a really good soundtrack, by someone like, say, John Barry.  It was terrific.

I also noticed a preponderance of females in the orchestra--nearly the entire violin section was women.  How long has this been going on?   I had the impression that orchestras were still pretty sexist places.  Close your eyes for a few years and the world changes.

-----

Work is work.  I haven't managed to lose all my Mad Call Control Skilz during the two years I was at Pennington, so the job will probably pan out okay.  I'm still trying to prune my wardrobe down to the basics. And FEWER basics. I have a bedroom floor full of basics that don't fit in my closet.

-----

My cat has had a lump on her head for a few months now.  It didn't seem to bother her, so we've left it until after Rob had *his* lump removed.  I suspected it was a sebaceous cyst, and today, I was disgustingly proved right.  I was examining it because it had a scabby thing on it and I was afraid it might be getting infected or she might be worrying it.   The scab came off and unplugged the world's biggest zit. I think I extracted more sebum that what's in the average tin of lip balm, and that's just what the cat sat still for.  The vet said just keep it clean, and we'll remove the rest when you bring her in for her checkup in two weeks.  Thanks, Doc.

-----
We saw Indiana Jones this week, finally, in air-conditioned splendor.  Somewhere on my f-list someone was panning Shia Laboeuf on the grounds that they were trying to position him as a Marlon-Brando type.  I disagree; this is a complete misread on the character.  He's a nice, rebellious kid, and he's played that way.  It was a fun movie but leave your disbelief at home.  I liked all the nods to previous movies and how they let Indy be aging and rickety.

----

I think that's it for today.

You end a sentence with an ellipsis enclosed by parentheses (like this...)

Do you put the "official" period at the end, after the parenthesis?

(My sense is NO, because a a close paren between two dots looks funny, but I always want to anyway because I'm obsessive.  Like this.).

We're taking the train to Portland for JayCon, but getting from the station to the party is going to be challenging.  Is there anybody who'd like to pick us up/drop us off? Looks like we''ll be taking the 9 am train in and the 9 pm train out.

Alternatively, is anyone going in from Eugene who would like to carpool and split gas costs?  It takes a full tank of gas to go one way, and one full tank is about what a train ticket costs, but if someone would like to buy gas one way, we could pool.

Cheers!

From greenlily

Find your 42nd entry ever. Yes, this may require some counting and basic math. Deal with it. Copy that entry in a new entry. This is the meaning of your life.

From May 30, 2007:
In the Newport Aquarium, dead Cthulhu lies dreaming
Memorial Day is our traditional day for going to the Newport Aquarium.  Usually they change their rotating exhibitions about now, and this time it's Giant Squid, courtesy of the Smithsonian.  Unfortunately no live squid, but some cool displays.  I think they should put in some other cephalopods to liven things up--cuttlefish or whatever-they had cuttlefish at our first time there.  As per usual there was the octopus, who is much less lively these days than before. CLAWS was still there and we got some neat stuff about crabs.

I took a picture of Rob at our favorite restaurant, too.

Dear May,

You were doing so well a couple weeks ago.  I understand that peer pressure is a terrible thing to endure.   I get it that you just want to be like your friends.  I'm here to tell you that just  because September, October, November, December, January, February, March, and April are frigid, miserable, unhappy, gray, pissy, wet and unsociable, does not mean that you have to be like them.  If they all jumped off a cliff, would you do the same? 

STOP BEING EMO AND START BEING SUMMER!  Or *I* will jump off a cliff. 

Thank you,

-Ximena

This was not photoshopped. Awesome setup!

Purely for the purposes of research I've been reading Westerns lately. And I've found in many of the newer ones (read: published since after I was a teeenage teenyboppin' teenybopper who only ever read Science Fiction) that wimmin wear jeans. 

My granma, who was of the generation just following many of these ladies, didn't wear trousers until the late 70's. That's the NINETEEN seventies if you please.   I remember distinctly the day Alma Faye put off her hose in favor of truis.  My Auntie Joy put her onto them. Twenty years later the same auntie put me onto Eugene, come to think of it...

So, if ye gotta gramma, that ye can talk to, can you tell me when she wore truis?  I suspect, since it's coming up in all this fiction, that it happened more often than we suspect.  But, given what I know about the people I know about, less often than they'd admit if it weren't fiction. Fred Gipson, my favorite Western author to date, never mentions women in jeans. It seems to be a historical "fact" made much of for the purposes of titillation--it always seems to me a (heroic) married woman, or attached to the hero, or something.  Whores never wear jeans. And the word is "JEANS", not "trousers".

HONEST TO TUCHUS, what did your family wear?

Every month here in Eugene, when it's not winter and not raining, our tango instructor Ev Marcel runs a guerrilla tango event on the footbridge behind Valley River Center.  Every full moon, she brings out the boombox and some classic tango music, and calls out the community to dance--she times it for moonrise.  The full moon is technically tonight, but she scheduled the First full Moon Tango of the year one day early, so we went out last night instead.  What's fun about this is that people walking through on their afternoon constitutional will often stop and join in the dancing for a few turns.  We have to watch for bikes, pedestrians, dogs, skaters...

Anyway, we usually miss this, because we're early-morning working schlubs, but last night we went.  And we got some pictures.

...but it's still disconcerting when it happens to you. A few years ago (maybe around 2001) I was at a party and we were talking about music. Someone mentioned a particular album that was fairly easy to get, but only on vinyl. "But I don't have a vinyl player," I grumbled. We all gazed in disbelief at the word bubble above my head. "Wow, that was really telling," said my friend.

I don't journal. I despise journaling.

I WANNA GO!!!

One silent movie, one wedding, no waiting.  Before & afters will be posted later.

If you were there & took pictures, PLEASE send them to me, post them on Flickr, or SOMETHING, so I can add them to my albums. 

If you were there & didn't take pictures, good for you.  You paid attention and were in the moment.  Enjoy the shots all those photogeeks took.

If you weren't there, SUCKS TO BE YOU.  Loser.  At least you get to see pictures.

Rob and I schlepped up to Portland for the launch of Diet Soap Issue #2.  More words will be forthcoming, but in the meantime, we got a few pictures.  The Diet Soap folks were kind enough to let me read my vampire Tesla story, and say nice things about it afterward.  I dressed up special because I knew MK would like it.

Once again, Jothy Rosenberg hits a mark.

Money shot:  At the metal detector I suggested to the agent he grab my crutches and I hop through. This worked the one other time I traveled without wearing my leg. But the agent refused to allow me to hop through the machine. Why? Because the new rule, he said, requires everyone walk through "normally".

Sheesh.

I've seen a couple people refer to this article and I think it bears reposting.  Cognitive surplus.

Simone? Simone????!!!!

As many of you know, my next professional pursuit is likely to be a certification in prosthetic technology.  Since this will involve packing up and moving somewhere like Minneapolis (if not Flint or Dallas), I've been digging around for information to see if I'm making a good decision.  One of the blogs I've uncovered is Jothy Rosenberg's A Leg Up, and awhile back he posted this article about prosthetic parity in insurance coverage. At the audiology clinic we used to run into these problems on hearing aid prescriptions and it used to drive me nuts.

Enterprise offered me the job, but it won't start until June.


 

Read since Thursday: Globalhead (Bruce Sterling)
                                         Never Cross a Vampire (Stuart Kaminsky)
                                         Farewell, My Lovely (Raymond Chandler)

Accomplished since Thursday: zip.

Job hunt status: phone interview Monday morning for a seasonal call center position.

We spent a "honeymoon" weekend in Portland.  Went to OMSI, and spent all our Powell's gift certificates people gave us, and visited Robin and Dave who are clearing out their  basement with the result that they unloaded several more books onto us, and had lunch at a quintessentially  Portlandish hippie-dippie cafe where I thought I might die of the macrobiotic healthiness, and generally relaxed. 

So this week I'm indulging all my nasty vices, and since Sunday, I've read:

The Omega Cage
Stellar Ranger
The Black Company
StarDoc
Space: Above and Beyond
The Good Husband of Zebra Drive
Alien Taste
and now I'm on Murder Mysteries (which cos gave me).
ETA: Iron Kissed, also on Sunday.

Yes, my normal uninterrupted reading speed is 2 novels a day.  Yes, this is what I do for fun.  Yes, I remember the plots.  Yes, I am a terrible tourist--my brother and I once spent 2 weeks in Cochabamba lying in hammocks reading Alastair Gray, Iain Banks, and Neil Gaiman.  This drove our relatives nuts.  No, I haven't found a job.  Yes, my brain is probably getting fat.

Jerry Oltion came over and we got the train up and running.  Pictures soon. Wedding pictures too.

A Google search for "Barf Bags" renders 259,000 hits.

...looms THE WEDDING.

A couple notes:  if you haven't RSVP'd, please do so, so we know HOW MUCH CAKE to provide.   Really, we wouldn't have invited you if we really didn't want you here.  And we want everyone to have cake.  It's REALLY GOOD CAKE.  Trust me. 

Also, if you are one-half of a couple and your obverse can't make it, PLEASE don't assume you're not welcome!  We will be overjoyed for any representative to show up.  If you really must, I'm sure Frank Wu (frankwu) will help you arrange for your head, at least, to attend.  (Ask Frank for details.)  Likewise, if we addressed the invitation just to you and you're not single, it's because we weren't aware you had an "other", please go ahead and bring them--all of them--but just let us know how many heads!

On the topic of Frank Wu--he is organizing activities for out-of-towners to gather and amuse themselves whilst we starch our pantyhose, feed our legs, wax our cats, lose our minds cufflinks, fend off our enemies parents and otherwise prepare for the floor show.  Details at Frank's LJ here.

Dress Code:  Rob will be wearing a tux, a fedora, and a smitten expression.  I will wearing silver, and a smitten expression.  What you wear is up to you--we don't care about you, this is OUR SPECIAL DAAAAAAAY, it's all about US-- but this is a Silent Movie, Tango, Genre Pulp wedding, so have some fun.  Fedoras and feather boas are encouraged.  Caveat: regardless of your gender, please don't wear slides, flip-flops, Berkenstocks, or other shoes your feet are apt to slip out of if you're walking backward.  A basic tango lesson will be given for those who wish to  participate, and we hope you all will.

Carpool from Seattle is available from beardedone but since I don't know his travel schedule you'll have to contact him.

Any questions?

Title says it all. Photo here.

Request for a book title/author from a buddy:

> In the late 80s or early 90s, there was a series of books about two brothers
> separated at birth. One evolved into a dark lord, and one evolved into a
> lord of light. They were both princes, but neither brother knew that. They
> both rose to power, and they were on a collision course. There were at least
> three books in the series, and apparently there was a fourth that was
> supposed to be the final book.
> 
> I'm looking for the titles and the author. I'm especially looking for the
> fourth book.

Request for info from me and Rob:

If you gave me your address to send a wedding invitation to, and have not by 
now received one, PLEASE sing out.  We've just found out that at least one 
invitation didn't get to its destination (unless, like my dad's, it got buried 
under the tax forms because it's in a plain brown wrapper).

In keeping with Jess' movie mob, Rob and I went to see Sweeney Todd this afternoon at an actual first-run theater. 

The Sock Story, "Left Behind", is  now LIVE at THE TOWN DRUNK!!!  And I got paid and everything to boot!

GO LOOK!!

By now, about a hundred people have received invitations to our wedding.  More are in the mail.  Again, if you want one, please say so!  So far, reviews have been rave.   I'd like to take this moment to publicly credit two people on this creative endeavor.  Ev Marcel, and Julian Cearley.

The photo was taken by our tango instructor, Ev Marcel, available for dance lessons, math tutorials, photography sessions (she also does author photos) and god knows what else, you'll have to ask her, but her standard rate for "whatever " is $25/hour.  She gives you a CD with ALL your takes on it to do with as you like.  She's totally awesome, and she'd from TEXAS!!!

We submitted our favorite photo to my Dear Baby Brother, Julian Edgar Guaman Cearley Cespedes etc, (who has a degree in art directorness--directorship?  directorhood? being an art director anyway--  from UNT) with instructions to "make it look like old-timey sheet music" and a squiggly caricature of a general impression of a vague idea done in two minutes on Paint.  He blew our doors off.  Then...long distance, over the phone, we developed the concept, and with only a text email containing ad content, he created the document on the back side.   (He wrote the article too.)  And the inserts.

So There.

NaNo word count: 446.

Oh well, at least it's a start.

Jess, you're going to want to read this when it's done:  it's a VAMPIRE WESTERN.  And I need your address!

Wedding news:  invitations are going out THIS WEEK!  Yippee!!  I need more addresses! This is so much fun!

Writing news: robvagle   (that's the guy I'm engaged to) has a story in the current Heliotrope!  Yippeee!  Go read it, it's good!

The wedding date is April 10, 2008.   My wedding coordinator tells me it's her job to be nervous for me.  I tell her, if that's the case I won't be able to afford her...

If you are on this list or know someone who is, please let me know.  We need snail addresses for invitations and announcements and I've shamefully lost track of a lot of people.  If you are on my flist you're invited and I need your information too.  Please email me at my lj name at att period net.  Thank you. 

THIS LIST IS NOT EXHAUSTIVE.  If you're not on it, I either (a) already have your info, (b) don't realize you're reading my LJ, or (c) might like to make contact--send me a message!  If you know someone who ought to be here let me know.

Scott Buchanan
Jeff Hitchin
Jess Raine
Erica Schultz
Ofer Inbar
Ian Osmond
Lis Riba
Sara Ravid
Graham Clark
Rachael Quereau
Jesse whatsisname
Victoria Garcia
Johnzo Aegard
MK Hobson
Harold Gross
Eve Gordon
Patrick Swenson
Honna Swenson
Robin Catesby
Frank Wu
Sue & Mark
Nik Jardine
Mo Wilson
Neal Fordham
Chris Revie
Andrew Wilson
Gavin Inglis
Simon Hovell
James Pengelly
Jason Roth

First socks, then closets, now vampires.

About 5 years ago I wrote a story about the things you leave in closets, called "Pandora's Closet".  It was a nice little story, nothing really wrong with it, but an early effort (I think it was actually the second story I ever wrote).  It's been going around markets for awhile, resting, going out again...and now Amazon recommends this.  A Greenberg antho, no less, entitled Pandora's Closet.  Some real names in this one.  About the stuff you find in the closet.  Now what do I do with my little story??

About 3 weeks ago our friend Eric Witchey had a birthday party for Nicola Tesla.  Since practically all our friends are writers, there was an option to bring a 1000-word short story to read aloud at the party.  It had to include either Tesla or one of his inventions.  As an exercise in the world of my novel (this is the year of the novel) I delivered 1700 words titled "Blood and Thunder", aka "why vampires are the real reason Tesla could never reproduce his Colorado Springs results".  (I'm currently in the process of fleshing it out a bit more to start sending it out.)  Now Amazon recommends this.  A Darrell Schweitzer antho, if you please, called The Secret History of Vampires.  About why vampires are the real reason for...well, a bunch of historical events.  

I suppose it's nice that I'm so clearly in tune with the zeitgeist.  <sigh> 

Incidentally, I'm seeking information on the Republic of the Rio Grande for a story.  Anyone with resources gimme a shout.

Fanfic geeks, Star Trek Geeks, and followers of my romantic adventures:  Strange New Worlds is out.  This is important because my beloved Poopsie, Rob Vagle, has a story in this anthology.   "The Fate Of Captain Ransom" didn't win a place in the contest but it got into the antho without breaking a sweat, according to my sources.  I personally am pleased for having introduced to the author a couple things he included as minor details in the story-- Shiraz (or Syrah) wine, and the Great Pyrenees breed of dogs.  (Remember Belle and Sebastian?)  Professionally, this is a benchmark in that this is The Story That Paid The Rent.  The per-word rate on this sale meant that the check cut for publication actually exceeded our total monthly rent.  (We live in a cheap apartment but still.)  Go buy the fucking book, and if we see you sometime, he'll sign it for you.  You have to ask, though, because he's too circumspect.

Rob and I also made it to the current issue of Minions at Work.  Steve York, the creator of the Minions and all-around fabu tie-in and genre author, had his half-century birthday celebratory roasting of the flesh and consuming of the Sangria.  I am the live-in lover of a wonderful man with many friends, so I got to go and cuddle some Minions.  A good picture of Rob is up at their site.  (It's a pretty good picture of me too, but since it's always all about me, I figure I didn't need to mention it.)  Go read it.  Buy stuff.  Support the cause.  Send penguins.  It's true what Steve says about Drywall Day.  We still have the little trucks.

At the same par-tay, I spoke with Dean Wesley Smith (Editor of SNW and author of a metric cubic buttload of stuff you should read).  What I said was, "Rob and I got an 8x4 whiteboard for $13!"   Dean is a great proponent of the whiteboard as a tool for writers, and he perked up immediately.   He said, "Where?"  I said, "Home Depot!" His eyes got big and round as I told him what you are looking for is shower tileboard, or Melamine.  Yeah, the stuff that was in the cat food.  Folks, whiteboards do not have to cost an arm and a leg.  An 8x4 sheet costs $12-and-change at Home Depot.  A Google search for "DIY whiteboard" turns up a number of alternatives.  What Rob and I did was buy a sheet of the stuff and have Home Depot cut it up into thirds (our apartment doesn't have wall space for a whole sheet, alas)  and glued the panels up to the sliding closet doors in the office with some heavy-duty double-sided stickytape.  Worked Good.  I think we left Dean with visions of lining all his walls with it...

.Tango proceeds apace.